i’m just going to lie on my floor until i become attractive
I grew up in an abusive home. Ever since I could remember my father was an alcoholic. He was never home, but when he did come home it was nothing but screaming and hitting. I watched my mother being abused by my father. I couldn’t do anything, i was too young. All I could was try to protect my younger brother and sister. I comforted them, telling them things would get better. I lied, things only kept getting worse. Even after my parents got divorced and my mother filed an order of protection, my father violated the order and continued the abuse. We were all too scared to ever do something. So I suffered all my childhood. My mother never home because she had to work three jobs to keep a roof over my head and food in my mouth. My father has always believed he is in charge. He believes to be superior of all others. But in reality he is the weakest person I know. I gave up my childhood to take care of my siblings, cook for them, clean, and tried my hardest to make them happy. As I grew older I learned that my father was never going to change. If he wanted to change it would have to be his choice.
At school no ones ever noticed what I actually feeling. Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and depression. With my grades they believed everything at home was perfect. Everything was not! It was the opposite of perfect. I was being physically, verbally, and mentally abused. I was never good enough for my father. I tried my hardest to meet his expectations, but never was he content. I graduated from elementary school top 10. But no one knew I was depressed and self harming. Once I started high school the routine was the same. I was punished at home for being at school too late. My teachers never understood that. Once I got to my sophomore year of high school, i couldnt take it anymore. For the second time I tried to commit suicide. Cause maybe then, someone would love me. I wasn’t successful at the attempt. I was hospitalized for severe depression and anxiety. When I was released from the hospital my father was nice to me for about a month. Then the rountine was the same as before.
That summer I got a job to help my family. My father was unemployed, so all my money went to him. At that job, I met a person. His name was Sergio. At first I was scared to get attached, because everytime things started going good, everything would collapse. I decided to trust him. We became boyfriend and girlfriend. My father and mother weren’t a big fan of him, because he was 2 1/2 years older than me. But he was the only person that was there for me everyday to comfort me and tell me things would get better. The same as I did to my siblings. My father threatend to encarcinate him, but then changed his mind. After 8months with my boyfriend, he decided to leave me for another girl. I’m guessing I wasnt good enough, that’s what everyone showed me. So I let him go. I’m not over him, I love him. Because he understood me, he loved me, he was there for me when no one else was.
Now am a high school senior I’ve been accepted in colleges and universities. I even recieved scholarships. Now that my father sees I’m going to be successful in life, he wants to try to be nice no thank you.
Today I came home from my cousins house with my mother. He was at my house drunk. He hit me, he threatened me and my mother. He said he would be the shit out me and that I had no choice but to accept it. It’s nothing new, same old same old. He tried to hit my mother, I didn’t let him. That’s when he got of control. He said he would burn the car. And he stated for me and my mother to watch out backs because it wasn’t the end of it. He would hurt us. He finally left the house. I called the police and made a report. I should have done this years ago. I am going to file an order of protection against him. I never want to see him in my life again, he doesn’t deserve to be part of my life.
But now I have no one. My brother and sister are scared to say anything to him, so they do as he says. But I won’t! My mother the person I care the most about in this world is crying she doesn’t know what to do. I have no one to go to… No one to talk to…. No one to tell me it’s going to be okay….
Anonymous asked: Have you ever done anything someone and regretted it?
Not, because I know that at the time, that is what I wanted.